About Me

My photo
Very Small Town. No really. Don't even try to look., Alberta, Canada
I am a stay at home mother of 2 boys. I try to keep total and complete command of this kingdom. I reign tall! But they are very are skilled little ninjas waiting to take me out at any available opportunity. You would think I would learn my lesson. I don't. Every day, I return. Everyday they kick ass.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Adventures of Puke-a-saur

So Small Fry is sick. Since Friday we have had projectile occurances coming out of him that I didn't think was possible.

So what does a responsible mother do when she is up at 3 am with no sleep in sight with a baby that is just puking? Why she sees which vomit was the farthest of course.

The Vomolypics.

Gross you ask? Well yes. But he was going to do it anyways. I had to clean it up anyways. Might as well make a game of it.

Starting at 2 am until 8 am when Large Fry woke up, we measured teh spewage.

Did...

Vomit #1 at 2:12
Vomit #2 at 3:31
Vomit #3 at 3:54
Vomit #4 5:06
Vomit #5 6:22

Win the race?

Those were the only ones worth mentioning. Trust me when I say there were many, many MANY more. The tv is worthless with a crying fussy baby. Plus late night TV just isn't the same without the Oxy Clean guy shouting at me. The ShamWow guy shouts at me but..he's just not the same. Plus he got beat up by a tranny hooker. Or something. So I don't know if I believe him that those ShamWOWs are really WOW.

In any case #4 had the most distance. It was most impressive. I'll spare you the details because, well, it's gross. Not that this entire ENTRY isn't gross but I have an excuse.

I'm tired.

I haven't slept.

He is STILL puking

Did I mention I haven't slept? Because I haven't. I bet all of you guys are sleeping or have slept. Bat rastards. ALL of you. Even the fucking chinchilla is sleeping. Little bitch.

Enjoy your slumber.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Trials of Little Brothers


I will do this again because the pictures in the first post were little bastards and went all micro-penis small. I will attempt to create them larger. Because we all know we like it big. And rough. Or maybe that's just me.

The Large Fry has come to realize that over the last year his little brother Small Fry has become a permanent household item. This doesn't please him at all. Not even a little bit.


This is how Large Fry would like to see his home life:




Unfortunately for him this is how it really is:






***I would like to point out that during the middle of creating this post, Small Fry decides to take a leap off our landing and down 6 stairs to the front door. My heart has returned, my hair is grayed, and I'm pretty sure I pissed myself. I can't tell due to the massive amounts of sweat I am STILL producing 15 minutes later.**


So today has been a series of conversations about why Small Fry is here to stay. Some highlights include:


"But WHY?!"
"If I give up Santa can he go back to Edmonton?"
"It makes me cry when brother poops and I can smell it"
But I think my all time favorite was "Mommy..why do we have brother? You already have a perfect Pee Pie."


I didn't know what to say. I really didn't. A perfect Pee Pie he says. Can't really argue with the logic. I just smiled and said 'But I love you so much I wanted to share it with Brother."

"Well Mommy..sharing sucks."

The Trials of Little Brothers



The Large Fry has come to realize that over the last year his little brother Small Fry has become a permanent household item. This doesn't please him at all. Not even a little bit.






This is how Large Fry would like to see his home life:








Unfortunately for him this is how it really is:



***I would like to point out that during the middle of creating this post, Small Fry decides to take a leap off our landing and down 6 stairs to the front door. My heart has returned, my hair is grayed, and I'm pretty sure I pissed myself. I can't tell due to the massive amounts of sweat I am STILL producing 15 minutes later.**



So today has been a series of conversations about why Small Fry is here to stay. Some highlights include:


"But WHY?!"


"If I give up Santa can he go back to Edmonton?"

"It makes me cry when brother poops and I can smell it"

But I think my all time favorite was "Mommy..why do we have brother? You already have a perfect Pee Pie."

I didn't know what to say. I really didn't. A perfect Pee Pie he says. Can't really argue with the logic. I just smiled and said 'But I love you so much I wanted to share it with Brother."

"Well Mommy..sharing sucks."