"Men, we have these objects before us. How do we construct this into something Large Fry will eat and sustain life? We have this and only this and we have 1 hour to get it done. No is not an option here people."
No is usually what I get anyways. But I give it my all. It's not my fault it all crashes and burns. Metaphorically speaking of course.
In the last month alone these tricks have been tried:
Reverse psychology
"I bet Large Fry CAN'T eat all that! I don't think he even CAN!"
Large Fry: Mommy, we shouldn't bet.
Flattery
"Look how big and strong you will get if you eat ALL your dinner Large Fry!"
Large Fry: So?
Blackmail
"If you don't eat that you won't get a bedtime show!"
*cue overreaction alert and up until fuck o' clock with tears and mass hysteria*
Fear
"Large Fry if you don't start eating you will have to go the hospital and get a POKEY! It will hurt! If you eat, you don't get pokies"
Large Fry: "I will take YOU to the hospital and get a pokey. I DON'T LIKE POKIES!"
Begging
"Please Large Fry? Just one bite? One bite for me? Please, please, please???"
*blank stare*
Dramatic cries
PLEASE KID? PLEASE WILL YOU JUST EAT? ONE BITE! ONE GOD DAMN LITTLE TEENY TINY BITE?
"Mommy...quit yelling or you will go to time out.."
But the most responsible moment came when his Nana told him
"Large Fry, if you eat you can get big and say curse words like shit and fuck."
Large Fry: "Really?! REALLY?? If I eat ALL my food, I can grow and say shit and fuck??"
*cleans plate*
And that's how to get your kid to eat responsibly people.
