Don't Spank My Butt!

I want to preface this by adding: I don't spank my children. I don't. Large Fry has had few spankings in his life and 99% of them were 'OMG' spankings. Like stoves or things that could really hurt him. But I swear, I SWEAR I don't! I don't, I don't!

But he likes to tell people I spank him. And often. Example? Sure!

The beginning-the doctor's office.

Yesterday I had to take Large Fry to the doctor. He is concerned his pee is yellow. I have tried to tell him that it's okay to have yellow pee but he doesn't believe me. I took him in anyways to assure him his pee was suppose to BE yellow, there was nothing I could DO about it being yellow, and no I can't turn it green. We combined it with a regular checkup-just to be safe.

He told me "You will just tell me that Mommy to make me go away."
Bwah? I think he's on to me.

But we arrive at the doctor's office. It's packed as usual. There isn't anything for a small child of 3 to do while we wait. Nothing but embarrass his mother of course. I brought a book and I asked him to sit with me and Small Fry and read the book.

Large Fry: No
Me: Please? Can we sit and look at these pictures? Tell me what is that?
Large Fry: No
Me: *sigh*
Large Fry: I know! *Gets up and proceeds to just run around in circles
Me: Large Fry, come over here and sit down. Now.
Large Fry: NO! Don't spank my butt! NO NO NO!

Me: ? ?????!

We are called back and good news: his pee is still yellow and that's okay. Phew. He's not as concerned about it now.

Fastfoward to the grocery store.

Me: Okay let's pop in and get some hot dogs, coke (the drinking kind..), and chips. Because I roll healthy.
Large Fry: Okay!
Me: Okay we are done. Oh no Large Fry. We can't get that fly spray.
Large Fry: NO MOMMY NO NO! Don't spank my butt! NO NO NO.

Me: Buh? what??? WHAT?

By now I'm getting a little concerned. The people of this small town probably think I beat him from dusk to dawn.

Final step-The post office:

Me: Let's go Large Fry
Large Fry: Don't spank my butt! NO NO !
Me: I swear! I DON'T spank your butt. I DON'T I DON'T! Where did you get that!? Tell me you understand that I don't spank you! *nears hysterics*

So yes. I had a total epic mini meltdown in the post office trying to convince my child (and the onlookers) that I don't spank butts.

So the Very Small Town Folks probably think I am Super Crazy Lady. I wonder if I could get that imprinted on a t-shirt?