About Me

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Very Small Town. No really. Don't even try to look., Alberta, Canada
I am a stay at home mother of 2 boys. I try to keep total and complete command of this kingdom. I reign tall! But they are very are skilled little ninjas waiting to take me out at any available opportunity. You would think I would learn my lesson. I don't. Every day, I return. Everyday they kick ass.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I birthed a dinosaur

Or are they?

Small Fry has teeth. 4 normal baby teeth. Until you are holding him. The he resembles something like this:

I'm not kidding. The shifty eyes and everything. On the ground he is a sweet lovable boy. When you pick him up he turns into a descendant of a velociraptor, complete with teeth.

We went to Edmonton on Friday for a wedding. Everything was going fine. He was in his carseat doing what babies do (I think he was eating his sock to be exact) when we arrived. We had a few stops to make so this required retrieval from the carseat and I had to hold him.

The shape shifting begins.

You can visibly see this. You can see the teeth emerging from his mouth ready to sink into any flesh that is near. Oh no, a teething ring just will not suffice. He needs flesh. On this day, I was the flesh. Wearing a thin cotton T-shirt because when we go to the "city" I like to look at least normal. Not braless and covered in finger smudges with wild eyes, but you know, at least somewhat in the same color scheme.

Small Fry begins his attack. He has his fingers (claws) into the small fine hairs that adorn my head. He pulls causing my head to lower and position out of his way so I can't SEE anything but him. He zeros in and his teeth find the mark--right on my boob. No lie. All four (200) teeth sink into my left boob. I can't shake him off. I'm paralyzed. He has me in his grip and he is NOT LETTING GO.

What do I do??? Flap around like a drunken party guest doing the chicken dance seems like the best course of action at this time.

"Help! He's biting me! He's biting me! HE ISN'T LETTING GO!"

I feel faint. This must have been what a stegosaurus felt like. Really cool looking but ultimately falls victim to a vicious small dinosaur. We will go down looking good at least. The Teeth hold strong. I see blood (Okay it was drool but still). This is the end, I'm figuring out slowly as the Tiny Vicious Beast (tm) has his claws and teeth sunk into me, my demise is slow.

Until victory! A bird flies overhead and he releases me. He hits me a couple of times and says "Mamamama ugggggggg".

I've spent a few days deciphering this. It means "It's not over."

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