Large Fry has a habit of stripping off all his clothes. Randomly. It doesn't matter the where or when or what I or he is doing. He just strips for no apparent reason. Well there is a reason. He likes to feel the 'Wind on my bumhole Mommy". This is reasonable logic and I am a failure as a human being for not comprehending this.
He strips before any bathroom activities and he usually tries to skinny out the door buck ass naked to run in the backyard. That's fine. Now he's made it personal.
I am a pants person. Mostly. I wear pants/shorts most of the year. And it works for me. I was recently sadden by my lack of skirt wearing. I should wear skirts! Skirts of TEH POWERZ. No really. So in a escape of sanity, I put on a white longer skirt. Then I load them up in the car to go grab a few things.
It was this day that Alexander decides he does not want to ride in the cart, but walk along beside me. I am happy. This is a big day. My son, walking along the grocery store doing beautifully. No running or yelling or attempting to toss random things into the cart.
I pause in front of the bread to debate a bagel choice when suddenly, like a flash, this small hand comes whipping out of no where. NO WHERE and it yanks down the back of the skirt with amazing speed and accuracy. And of course today is NOT the day I am wearing anything remotely cute under that skirt. The piles of laundry at home I had been ignoring was reflected in my very old, ratty underwear. You know which ones I mean. THOSE underwear that you pull out for last resort code red undie emergencies. The ones that are never to be seen by anyone, ever. Ever.
I'm fast and I pull up the back right about the time he is yanking on the front. He's ruthless, unforgiving, and determined to pants me right in the middle of the grocery store.
Fuck the bagels I say. Time to go. So I make my way to the cashier pushing the cart, sorta while trying to hold my skirt. Little hands are pawing. NONONONO I said "Stooooop!" Somehow we make it to the car. To be honest it's a blur of fruit and underwear. I plop him in his seat and ask him why. Why did he do that to Mama? Why?
"I like to make you dance Mama. It makes me laugh."