For the last few days I have been allowing my Large Fry to play outside with the waterhose. He has been very content and I get some internet work done. No seriously. So this morning he has asked me to go outside to retrieve his 'mighty machine' so he can work on it. It needs work.
Arguing with him did not work. He wanted me and only me to do it. I should have known. But in my defense it was 9 am and my brain doesn't officially turn on until at least 11 am.
So here I am, trapsing out into the backyard to retrieve this mighty machine. I have on a blue tanktop and gray pants that say PRINCESS across my ass, because I am that classy. I locate the mighty machine in the corner of the yard and I am about to turn around to go inside...
...when a stream of ICE COLD water has hit me. On the ass. I turn around to get another stream of water to the face. All the while Large Fry is laughing hysterically and shouting "LOOK MOMMY! The water tickles you!"
I am trapped. Seriously fucking trapped. I'm in the CORNER. It's either fight or flight. And I have no where to go. My assailant isn't letting up on the hose. Somehow it's even on jet stream. So here I am running across the yard with the damn mighty machine while being attacked by Large Fry and his Weapon of Choice (WOC). I'm soaked. I'm wet. And he has the nerve to tell me "Mommy please go wash. You are dirty."