About Me

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Very Small Town. No really. Don't even try to look., Alberta, Canada
I am a stay at home mother of 2 boys. I try to keep total and complete command of this kingdom. I reign tall! But they are very are skilled little ninjas waiting to take me out at any available opportunity. You would think I would learn my lesson. I don't. Every day, I return. Everyday they kick ass.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Bless their hearts

It has come to my attention being a woman raised in the Great State of Texas (GSOT) that you can say anything about anyone as long as you say "bless their heart" either at the beginning or the end of the bitchfest.

So I have decided to utilize this to my advantage.

Small Fry: Bless your heart, but you are turning fucking mean. I'm sorry but you are sorta-kinda-a-little-arsehole. You were at one time this snuffly, sweet, ball of kisses that smiled a lot. Now you smile...while you are doing something mean. Hitting, biting, kicking. screaming, and/or throwing things. Sometimes you do this in combinations. Like Mortal Kombat. Observe:

** Mom vs Small Fry**
Round 1
*kick**bite**chase**howl for an hour**pinch**bite

Round 2
Hit..Hit..***COMBO ATTACK*** kick..slap..pinch


Bless his heart. He's lucky he's cute.

Large Fry: Where did the mouth on this child COME FROM? Bless his heart. He's mouthy. The things he says..It makes me blush. And that's saying something. Friday he informed me he had two girlfriends..he needed a spare. He's turning bossy and controlling. Like Donald Trump only shorter. One day I fully expect him to walk up to me in briefcase and suit and inform me that I am fired.

Groom: Bless your heart but WHAT the FUCK is wrong with your VISION? Pay attention to what I have done. VALIDATE me you internet whore! Look around at the slaving, cleaning, cooking organizing, and put me on the pedestal I so richly deserve to be on for being a domestic -fucking- goddess. AND DO IT NOW.

Chinchilla: You are so noisy, bless your heart. I want to glue cotton balls to your feet.

Dog: Bless your heart. You can't help being a giant pansy. Can you?

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